What a slut Time is
by DemonTrapsAndVervain
Summary: Isaac sat down at his desk in front of his computer for blind people. As he waited for the machine to turn on, he fumbled on his desk to find the microphone. "New Document" he ordered. He took a deep breath and after a while, he spoke up. "Hello, everyone." OC Fanfic about what happens after Augustus passed away. Story told in Isaac's POV. Rated M for swearing. EDITED STORY!


**"**Hey, everyone.

'_Everyone'_? Why did I say '_Everyone'_? I mean, it's not like people are going to listen to that.

Nevermind.

I'm Isaac. I had an eye cancer. Neuroblastoma. Tragic. This cancer took over both of my eyes, so I had to get them replaced by fake ones. I'm not here to rant about my shitty life, but it does suck big time. When I was younger, I was so fucking afraid of the dark that I had that small night light near my bed to keep me from screaming my brains out... Now, it's dark all the time and I can't even see that tiny yellow-orange light. But anyway, it's not the right time to take a stroll down memory lane. Memories are bitches.

So yeah, I'm in Remission since...

What's wrong with me? This story isn't about _me._

My name is Isaac, and I'm blind. Period. This is when you are starting to freak out and ask yourself: "How the Hell is he typing this?" Well, children, there's a thing called Technology. I have that computer for blind people – very expensive shit, trust me – so I talk through a microphone and it writes down everything I say. I can even change the voice. Cool, right? I picked a female voice, it's a neutral one because the first one I chose reminded me too much of _her._

Now you might wonder who is _she, _and why she is so important to me.

Her name is Hazel. I met her like three years ago in Support Group at the Church. We became friends instantly, being both annoyed with Patrick's cheery, stupid and pointless song about him losing his precious testicles. That guy needs a life, really. But if we think about it for a moment, he made us laugh a lot of times (without even trying, so that's even funnier.). Jeez, I'm wandering again. I wanted to say that I really, really love her. Not in a romantic way, in a friendly, brotherly way. Her true Love is Augustus, and I am proud of being able to say that they are dating because I was going to be blind. That's the entire truth. Gus came to Support Group to support me. He first thought it was a bad idea but going blind is a great thing to use as leverage... But then, Support Group became useful for him as well since his cancer reappeared again, you know. In his last moments, he was the one being supported by Hazel and me. I swear that those two were meant to be together.

You can call it destiny if you want to make things look more beautiful, but I don't believe that crap anymore.

Hazel, Gus and I were the best trios ever, really. You can think that I'm bragging but, hey, I don't give a damn. We were really awesome. We were like the three Musketeers, conquering the World and other awesome stuff. I'm seriously wondering how the Hell I found friends like that... With everything I had to go through – I mean, cancer and other shit – I seriously thought I didn't deserve being blessed with friends like Gus and Hazel. We were functioning better when we were three than when we were on our owns. I thought it was a cheesy movie thing, you know, the "Best Friends Forever" thing... But apparently, it exists.

They stayed with me when I lost my second eye. They didn't throw me away like my bitchy ex-girlfriend did. When I think about that... I don't even know how I fell in love with that girl. Okay, she was cute... Sexy even. But she was sweet and all of that too, but I did feel her behavior switch when I told her I had cancer – and she became a stranger when I told her I was going to lose my second eye. The making out, the "always"... It was just a facade for each others, to hide our true feelings... I don't know why she left me. Maybe she just couldn't stand knowing that I won't be able to look at her again.

That's so fucking selfish.

Whatever. Augustus let me destroy his room, Hazel let me cry on her shoulder, and they always refused me to say thank you because they said it was natural.

True friendship, I'm telling you.

When Gus died, Hazel and I stuck together... That was a Hell of a rough time. We were used to living together at that time, just the three of us against the world. Even our parents started hanging out together. We didn't realize that he was gone at first... it was so unexpected. We knew it was going to end like that, but we weren't ready to let him go that quick, you know. So with Hazel, we would hang out all the time and stay at her House when she wasn't feeling well. She was – wait, she _is _– my best friend, no doubts about it. I am sure I am her best friend, too. Hang on, we didn't forget Gus, at all. We just... learned to live with the pain. We often were hanging out at my House too, playing video games together. I was using the voice control, and Hazel was leading me through the landscape. Oh and, by the way, we did find a way to make Mayhem hump a wall. Very funny.

...

Time went by.

Hazel had to go more often to the hospital because the cancer liquid was filling her lungs faster than before. I sometimes went with her and stayed by her side, if the docs allowed me to and when Hazel felt nervous or worried. I was just sitting there, squeezing her hand and allowing her to squeeze it back. There was no need for a long and complicated talk. Just support. Comfort.

The medicine she had for years now, the Phal... Phal-whatever stopped working.

Hazel had to go to the hospital every two weeks now, and I went with her. The horrible smell of cleaning products and meds were filling our noses. I stayed with her, talking and joking with her when she was awake, listening to audio-books and watching after her (I'm so funny.) when she was asleep. Hazel thought I was mad at her because she wasn't able to play video games with me. I wasn't. I was mad at her Cancer, I was mad at Jesus and Buddha and Allah and all the Gods in the Universe that made Cancer exist.

They soon started giving her a new medicine, a stronger one, with a name that was even more complicated than the Phal-whatever.

It was so strong that side-effects started to appear, along with an overall sadness and tiredness for life... She didn't have it easy.

She started losing weight and tried to cover it up with big hoodies and large sweatshirts. Her beautiful olive skin turned into a gray/pale color, so she started wearing makeup. Hazel started losing her hair... So I bought her a beanie for her birthday, a navy blue one because she once told me she liked that color. The docs allowed her to travel so she, her parents, my parents and I went to the park to picnic. It was an awesome afternoon, and for a moment we forgot Hazel's war for Life. She was being herself again: the bubbly, cheery and sweet Hazel.

The medicines worked for a few weeks, and we were back to our little routine at Funky Bones, My house, and hers. The good old life, you know. I have to say that she got really good at Video Games, really. She holds maybe half of the 10 best scores of Mayhem.

...

Meds stopped working.

Hazel had to go to the hospital every week now.

Weeks became days.

She was sleeping most of the time, but I didn't mind. I watched (haha.) her sleep almost all the time, and I was only leaving her to give her a moment alone with her parents.

The ugly dark cancer liquid kept filling her lungs, so fast that sometimes they even had to change the bag twice a day.

Hazel changed. She told me she was bald, skinny and that she looked pale. Too pale. She didn't seem to change mentally, though. She was still the Hazel I shared sighs with at the Support Group, she was still the Hazel I played Video Games with, she was still the Hazel I threw eggs on Monica's car with... Plus the side effects of having cancer eating you from the inside out. She was strong, and every day she was challenging Death.

Hazel was plugged to the draining machine all the time after that. I couldn't stand not being able to keep her alive. I couldn't stand letting her slip away from her parents, her friends, and me.

...

Hazel Grace Lancaster died nine days ago.

She fell into a coma a week before, around midnight. Her lungs stopped doing their work. Her lungs failed her. For a few days, she breathed with a machine. In, and out. In, and out. I remember that the last thing she told me before I left her room a few hours before was: "Do you think Augustus is waiting for me?"

Her mother agreed to describe Hazel for me. She said that her eyes were closed and that her mouth was filled with the big tube that kept her alive... And I suddenly knew that I shouldn't have asked. I could barely stand knowing that she had to get through this, with all those wires and machines surrounding her fragile body. The quote says that 'Life hangs by a thread', but in Hazel's case, Life hung by tens of little tubes.

Hazel's parents decided to let their daughter go.

They told me it was the best thing to do for her, and I think they thought I was mad at them for a moment.

But I wasn't. I wouldn't stand living like this, and the most important that I couldn't stand Hazel living like this.

I wasn't in the room when they stopped the machines. I wanted to give Hazel's parents some space and some time with their daughter... But honestly, I'm not sure I would have been brave enough to face this. I said good-bye to Hazel before she had to go, though. Her dad told me she was wearing the beanie I bought her for her birthday, and her Blue Teddy bear called Bluie was stuck between her side and her arm. Hazel, he added, looked peaceful, and he whispered that Death finally caught her but somehow she didn't look angry.

I was glad she wasn't angry.

I remember kissing Hazel's forehead faintly, and her skin was so cold. I wish she could die in her own bedroom, instead of that ugly room in the IC that will soon be someone else's. Hazel will never see Patrick again, Hazel will never see Funky Bones again, Hazel will never hear The Hectic Glow songs again.

I'll never be with her again.

I cried a lot after Hazel left. I am still crying. It hurts a little because of my plastic eyes, but it doesn't hurt as much as Hazel's disappearance.

I am still going to Support Group, to share my Story, but also Gus' story and Hazel's... Patrick's still singing about the poor loss of his sacks. At every meeting, I tell the group about how amazing Gus and Hazel were, how thoughtful and alive they were even with that stupid Cancer. I tell them about Love. I tell them that Cancer should not be a barrier to Happiness and Love and Friendship. I tell them that it's okay to break down, that it's okay to be sad and pessimist when you are sick, but I remind them that there are so many things out there to live and share with everyone.

At the end of every meetings, when Patrick reads list with the names of the dead Cancer fighters, I just want to scream or put my hands over my ears so I don't hear Patrick say the two last names written at the bottom of that piece of paper: "_...Augustus Waters, and Hazel Grace Lancaster."_

I'm still in contact with Hazel's parents, they are amazing people. No wonder where Hazel got her huge charisma from. Hazel's mom became a Patrick, and she sometimes talks at the Support Group. She is really nice, and the good thing is that when she's there we don't have to hear Patrick being philosophical about his testicles.

Hazel's mom told me they didn't touch her room, so I guess it is like she described it to me before going to the hospital. The BiPAP is in the corner of the room, but now Phillip is next to it. I should thank them both for keeping Hazel alive for so long.

Bluie is no longer on the shelf, he is now sitting on the middle of the bed, so the teddy's face might be turned toward the bookcase, where the _"The Prince of Dawn" _series and _"An Imperial Affliction" _are stored.

I didn't want to do something like that, I mean, talk about Hazel. She asked me to do it because she was worried I'd keep all my feelings for myself and feel bad. I'm only doing this for her, not me or everyone. I personally think that talking about _her _won't make me feel better. Wounds like that take a long time to heal.

Here I am now, the only survivor of the Three Musketeers. I'm thinking a lot about that thing Gus used to say, about that rollercoaster than only went up... Well, right now I'm so fucking down. I mean, I've never felt so shitty in my life before.

I'm suffocating...

But I'll be _okay_.

I might sound stupid in the next few seconds but... I hope you heard all of this, Hazel. I hope you realize how lucky I feel to have such a best friend like you, and I hope you are with Gus now. Thank you for being you, and thank you for everything you did, no matter what it was.

Love, Isaac. **"**

* * *

**Hey, guys.**

**I recently finished reading TFIOS and I felt so inspired by that book. I used Isaac as a narrator of this monolog because I really like this character and because I thought it would be interesting to know how he felt during this moment.**

**I'm sorry this is was very sad.**

**Please, tell me what you think of it, I'd love to know your opinion about it!**

**I hope you enjoyed this little sequel, and I apologize again for the lack of happiness.**

**/!\ About the religious references: I know religion might be a touchy subject for some of you and I'm not trying to put up a fight, but I was just speaking from personal experience and this is my personal opinion. Please don't get mad.**


End file.
